Jake of the Web

Some guy on Twitter quoting all the ridiculous and funny things his 70-something dad says on a daily basis.

"You need to flush the toilet more than once...No, YOU, YOU specifically need to. You know what, use a different toilet. This is my toilet."

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

"Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me."

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

"The dog is not bored, it's a f*ing dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a f*ing rubix cube. He's a g*d damned dog."

"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."

"The dog is an outside dog. You want an inside dog, you go get your own inside."

"My flight lands at 9:30 on Sunday...You want to watch what? What the f*ck is Mad Men? I'm a mad man if you don't pick me the hell up."

The best part is this guy has over 43,000 followers but he himself only follows LeVar Burton.

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

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